A Future Team of Padres to Be Named Later?

SAN DIEGO — Some time, at some point, when Tony Gwynn last walks out of the Padre clubhouse, he should turn out the light.

He will be the last major league player to leave.

If Gwynn has his way, of course, this is not likely to happen for quite some time. He would be old and gray by then, and the others in the clubhouse would be chewing pacifiers rather than tobacco and they would call him Pop.

However, given the state of the Padres, he ultimately might be traded to the New York Mets for a player to be born later.

Gwynn will not be among those who disappear Tuesday when the Colorado Rockies and Florida Marlins engage in the garage sale known as the expansion draft. He will be among the 15 players the Padres will “protect” from being doomed to last-place finishes with these embryonic franchises.

These protected lists, to be sure, are top secret propositions. Hillary Clinton, jeans and all, will be answering the front door of the White House before you’ll get a peek at baseball’s protected lists. The penalty for breaking this pledge of secrecy is paying a $500,000 fine or accepting two Padre season tickets, whichever is worse. You could also opt for Chinese water torture.

The problem for the Padres, the way things have been shaking down and players have been shaking out, is finding 15 proven major league players to protect. Most of the “projected” Padre lists I have seen have maybe a half-dozen proven major leaguers on them.

I stress “proven” because athletes such as Dan Walters, Frank Seminara and Jeremy Hernandez certainly have not established themselves.

For all I know, given the Padres’ fear of having to pay big-money contracts, they may have two peanut vendors and an usher on their list.

This begs the question of protecting players such as Gary Sheffield and Fred McGriff and Andy Benes.

Why bother?

Sheffield and McGriff make big bucks. Leave ‘em off the list and, sure as shooting, the Marlins will grab ‘em for a Florida homecoming. It’s just too bad they have to go all the way down to Miami to play. They would have been perfect fits for the St. Pete Giants.

You know they’re gone, probably Sheffield first, because he will be in for major, major bucks after the 1993 season, even if it isn’t quite a match for 1992.

And wouldn’t Benes, that mountain of a pitcher, be perfect for the Rockies?

I know, these guys have to be protected so they can be traded. Players simply cannot be allowed to get away with nothing coming back in return.

Right, Benito?

Considering what the Padres got for Tony Fernandez, they could probably trade McGriff to Atlanta for three Jane Fonda workout tapes, a Class AA shortstop and the cap Ted Turner wore when he defended America’s Cup.

Darrin Jackson will be on the protected list, but that too might be a matter of keeping him around so he can be traded away. What’s kept around doesn’t mean it’s going to stay around.

Jackson has had a couple of solid years, which could render him too expensive to stay with this faltering franchise.

I’ll tell you where this franchise, these Padres, are headed. Tony Gwynn really might be the last genuine major league player to walk out of that clubhouse.

In a couple more years, the average age of a Padre player may be 13 or 14. Tom Werner will bring “All My Children” to Mission Valley. The Padres will make the Bad News Bears look like the ’27 Yankees.

These kids will, and this is important, work for minimum wage. They will happily do some work on the side, you know, mow lawns and wash cars and baby-sit. And ownership will be able to make do with a nanny rather than a manager.

Starting pitchers will double as peanut vendors between appearances.

Attendance will suffer. No doubt. Twenty-five kids only have so many parents and brothers and sisters and next-door neighbors. You know the parents will be there, because none of these Padres will be old enough to drive, much less afford, the Mercedes and Jags today’s overpaid wretches bring to work.

Uniforms and bats and balls will not be an expense either. Cake sales will take care of equipment.

What these future Padres will really need won’t be owners. They’ll need sponsors. That’s all. You know, shirts which say “San Diego” on the front and “Mr. Z’s Pizza” or “Pete’s Petrol” on the back.

Maybe these protected lists are so secret because baseball is fearful what the reaction would be if the public learned a team like the Padres was protecting four players from Las Vegas, three from Adelanto, three from Wichita, two from Waterloo, two from Patrick Henry High School . . . and Tony Gwynn.