Persona Non Grata in the Phone Book

I knew there were unlisted numbers. But unlisted cities? Never heard of such a phenomenon until I was contacted by Pam Kelly of the Sierra Madre Chamber of Commerce. She pointed out that GTE’s new Sierra Madre directory had no personal home phone numbers for residents of Sierra Madre, except for those few with business listings.

So much for the claim on an inside page that “everyone from your best friend to your family doctor appears in this alphabetic listing of home and business phone numbers in the Monrovia/Sierra Madre area.”

The snafu was an unfortunate outgrowth of a long-running dispute that Sierra Madre has had with GTE, its sole carrier. The city couldn’t understand why residents of such non-neighbors as Santa Fe Springs, El Monte, West Covina and City of Industry were in the Sierra Madre book. Especially when Sierra Madreans were excluded from the Pasadena and Arcadia books. In a compromise, GTE promised to remove the outlying numbers from the new Sierra Madre book. Instead--guess what? The numbers were left intact and Sierra Madre’s residents were excluded from their own directory--”The Everything Pages.”

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NOT A COSTUME TO WARM THE HEART: On Halloween, a young lad “came to the door dressed in a plain black suit, white shirt and a plain black tie, carrying a plastic briefcase designed to collect candy,” said Gerry Wright of Long Beach. “After a moment, I said, ‘OK, I give up, who are you supposed to be?’ He said, ‘I’m from the IRS and I’m here to collect.’ Cute. About 25 minutes later, he appeared again at the door. An embarrassed look crossed his face when he recognized me and, as he made a hasty retreat down the walkway, he yelled, ‘Mom, I told you we’ve already been here!’ ”

Always a problem when you have a pushy supervisor.

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JUST FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE DIRECTIONS: As if the pace of life isn’t dizzying enough these days . . . Stan Sieger of Pasadena found a drawing for a prize in which entrants were warned to “not be present.” Murrel Loring of L.A. came across a soft-drink coupon that may or may not be good for a soft drink. And Jack Wheeler of La Canada bought his granddaughter a toy that may be very quiet (see accompanying).

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MALIBU SIGN LANGUAGE: Barb Ketcham of Malibu was cut off by another driver on Pacific Coast Highway and, “as he pulled around me, he hung out the window and gave me a fist with his index and small finger extended (palm forward). I was trying not to believe this was a flip-off as he makes his business in Malibu and has his name emblazoned on his pickup.”

Ketcham added that “I had just spotted his vehicle in the parking lot and thought I might hire him for work on our home, although now I have serious misgivings. Any ideas?”

Perhaps he was signaling he works for $11 an hour.

Readers, what do you think?

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CUSTOMERS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS: Writer Troxey Kemper of L.A. recalled the time he worked in an office for a woman “who was trying to assist a widow with her business affairs.” The widow “came in and said the bank sent her a notice that her checking account was overdrawn. ‘How can my account be overdrawn?’ she asked. ‘I still have blank checks in my checkbook.’ ”

miscelLAny:

This just in! Kevin Reid of GTE Directories phoned to say that “obviously we know there’s an error” in the Sierra Madre phone book and that 17,000 new directories will be printed for the city--this time with the correct set of numbers included. As for the old directories, residents can safely ignore the message on the upper left-hand corner of the cover: “Keep Me Until Winter 1998.”