LAUGH LINES

Bittersweet Memories: “In a new book, an ex-girlfriend of Bill Gates says she remembers him having bad breath. After hearing this, Gates said, ‘ . . . I remember her as not having 400 billion dollars.’ ” (Conan O’ Brien)

Bits and Pieces: “The Justice Department is now leaning toward breaking up Microsoft. The [possible] breakup . . . is being blamed on Bill Gates’ arrogance, a government vendetta and, for some odd reason, Yoko.” (Craig Kilborn)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Top Janet Reno Pet Peeves

10. Having to brush up on Spanish just to read hate mail.

9. Armed troops + civilian resistance = paperwork, paperwork, paperwork.

7. When she gets angry, she turns green and muscles burst through clothes just dry-cleaned.

5. Whenever she calls Playboy and offers to pose, Hugh Hefner’s “in a meeting.”

4. Saying, “It’s the tear gas” when crying at “Erin Brockovich.”

3. When Lenscrafters runs out of gigantic, outdated, poorly fitted frames.

1. Constant political pressure to reunite Hall and Oates.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.