What trendy tastes like

When you’re hot, you’re hot, and nobody -- neither the latest lip-synching pop star nor the newest lounge and restaurant -- ever thinks it’s going to end.

Call Kai, the new lounge and restaurant that has moved into the old Rebecca’s space in beachy Santa Monica, and over the roar of the crowd the hostess is likely to answer, “Can you please hold?” That is if you actually get somebody on the phone. Most of the time you get a recording inviting you to leave a message. (They never call you back.)

So you could be forgiven for thinking Kai has to be the hottest thing going -- in Santa Monica. At this moment. And no, despite the name, it’s not Asian fusion, exactly. This one does sound a bit intriguing: The theme is Polynesian.

Oh, maybe something like a reinvented Trader Vic’s? Well, not exactly, or couples would be woozily slurping sink-size tropical cocktails through his-and-her straws.

Here the drinks are more restrained -- in size anyway -- though they do feature lots of fresh juices, flavored spirits and combinations not even the Trader himself could have envisioned. (Something, say, made with black cherry vodka, white cacao and a drizzle of Godiva chocolate?) If you ask me, you’d be better off staying in theme with a fresh fruit martini, ginger Cosmo or Nalu mojito, the latter made with Bacardi Limon.

The look is laid-back tropics with oversized woven palm or rattan chairs and giddy flower arrangements featuring bromeliads and ginger. Outside, on the wrap-around terrace patio, a fire pit warms up anybody who forgot how chilly it can be by the beach.

I wonder what Gauguin would think about his colors, his images, his Tahiti decorating the walls of a trendy lounge in Santa Monica a century after his death. Would he be sitting there, enjoying the action, like that geezer trying to chat up a wild thing perched on a barstool with butterfly tattoo and thong on full display?

With people lined up at the bar three deep, every table and chair in the sprawling lounge taken, Kai is getting the action that Rebecca’s had. It’s all about drinking, and snacking on so-called tapas, hot or cold. These include clams in sake garlic butter broth, black cod marinated in sweet miso, shrimp grilled on a sugar cane stalk or albacore tuna Hawaiian poke.

The Polynesian theme does not, I guess, extend to the menu, which is pretty much geared to the crowd that frequents every other trendy place: hand rolls (wrapped in soy paper instead of nori), beef carpaccio (made with expensive Kobe-style beef), tartares, salads and a mere handful of main courses. (Hint: Stay away from anything complicated. Your best bets are Hama Hama oysters on the half shell or a tartare, which will be overdressed but decent.)

Kai is more bar than restaurant anyway. The few tables are rustled into a smallish alcove that seems to funnel all the noise. “What’s that? A parrot?” I wondered, looking around. No, a baby screaming.

Well, I felt like screaming too, and if I ever go back would seriously consider bringing earplugs. Our valiant waiter was seriously overwhelmed, running from table to table. No one could find the first wine we ordered, so we ordered something else, which wasn’t very good, and after a couple of sips we left the rest in the bottle.

As we were winding down our meal, a guy at the next table came over and asked if he could taste the wine. We weren’t planning to finish it, so we said, “Sure, take the bottle.” He did. And the cowboy didn’t even say thank you.

Kai is that kind of place. Those hankering for some beachside action will take a note. The rest of us just may have to pass this one up. Unless, of course, you have a thing for silly tropical cocktails.

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Kai

Where: 101 Broadway, Santa Monica

When: Lunch 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. daily, happy hour 4:20 to 6 p.m. daily, dinner 6 to 11:30 p.m. daily. Valet parking.

Cost: Lunch items, $8 to $16; happy hour items, $4.95 to $5.95; hot tapas, $5 to $12; cold tapas, $7 to $18; sushi, $8 to $9; entrees, $16 to $40; desserts, $4 to $12.

Info: (310) 434-1511