Late night politics: A crazy week in review

Chris Rock, on his lead-in guest Bill Clinton, on ‘Late Show with David Letterman’

“Is it me, or did he not want to say the words ‘Barack Obama? ... Well, what Hillary would want to do with the economy. Hillary ain’t running! One of those guys needs to tell him. I love Hillary, but she lost. She got a lot of votes, she lost. The Patriots got a lot of points too, but they lost to the Giants...She lost to a black guy nobody had ever heard of.”

And on Gov. Sarah Palin: “Have you been to Alaska, Dave? It’s like ‘Road Warrior’ with snow.... She’s there holding a moose and Michael Vick is like: ‘Why am I in jail?’ ”  (Genaro Molina / Los Angeles Times)

Alec Baldwin, performing ‘In the Year 2000,’ on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’

“President George W. Bush will refuse to see Oliver Stone’s new movie “W,” insisting that he first watch the films ‘A’ through ‘V.’”

“Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol Palin will refuse to be guarded by secret service agents, claiming, ‘You know me, I never use protection.’”

“After voting against the equal pay law and Martin Luther King Day, John McCain will run for president with a woman and lose to a black guy.”   (Mark J. Terrill / Associated Press)

Jay Leno, on politics, on ‘The Tonight Show’

“Do you even understand this Bush economic plan? Here’s how it works: When you screw up, you pay. When they screw up, you pay. Very simple.”

“More bad news from President Bush: Remember those rebates checks from a few months ago? He wants them back. Yeah. We need to give that money to rich people on Wall Street. They need it more than you do.”  (Paul Drinkwater / Associated Press)

Stephen Colbert, on ‘The Colbert Report’

“I, for one, cannot think of anything more presidential than suspending your presidential campaign! Being president demands suspending all kinds of things! Habeas corpus. Gitmo prisoners.”  (Adam Rountree / Associated Press)

Conan O’Brien, on ‘Late Night with Conan O’Brien’

“Today, John McCain made a big announcement. He said he wants to postpone Friday’s presidential debate, but not because of the economic crisis. It turns out TV Land is airing a ‘Golden Girls’ marathon.”   (Dana Edelson / Associated Press)

Jon Stewart, on ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’

“And so it was, that on Wednesday afternoon, Sen. John McCain suspended his campaign, blew off his interview with David Letterman, and rushed back to a different CBS building to an interview with Katie Couric, and then he left to rush back to a delicious dinner in New York, but then he left, to rush back to a New York hotel for a good night’s sleep, but then he rushed off to a hotel, also in New York, where he gave a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative in New York, and then because of the grave condition of this situation returned for a possible Senate vote for the first time since April 6 and as his plane landed in Washington, D.C., a mere 22 hours after his initial New York announcement -- I mean for God’s sake, you could have walked there in that time -- this announcement greeted him at baggage claim: [News Clip: ‘Republicans and Democrats have reached a fundamental agreement on a rescue plan from Wall Street.’] So, to sum up the net effect of John McCain suspending his presidential campaign: angering David Letterman.”  (Ethan Miller / Getty Images for Comedy Central)