They Get Messages Across by Air Mail

Faxes to and from the Forum:

Dear Michael:

Had a wonderful time in Chicago. Wish you weren’t there.

-- Magic

Dear Magic:

I just flew into Los Angeles. Cheated. Used a plane.

--Michael Dear Michael:

I went toddlin’ in your town, but most of it was under construction. Chicago’s a nice city. Call me when it’s finished.

--Magic Dear Magic:

Just got off the plane at LAX. Plane ride took four hours. Car to the hotel took five. Call me when you get that train finished.

--Michael Dear Mike:

Hey, man, how come you stopped guarding me? All of a sudden I’ve got Scottie Pippen’s paws all over me. You worn out?

--Earvin Dear Earv:

I notice they never let you guard me . How embarrassing for you. Getting old, huh?

--M.J. Dear Air:

Watch out or I will play center the way I did that day at Philadelphia.

--E.(M.) J Dear NBA Veteran:

I remember that. It was--what?--a couple of decades ago, wasn’t it? Oh, by the way, did you catch me guarding that 7-foot-1 bearded European guy of yours?

--Number 23 Dear Number 23:

As usual--like with your number--you have everything backward. I did it first. You’re just the copycat. Oh, by the way, I just got back from Tiffany’s to get those championship rings appraised. And you?

--Number 32 Dear Prince of Bel-Air:

Close out your account. Five rings are all you get.

--Michael Dear Monster of Midway:

Games 3, 4 and 5 at the Forum, beginning tonight. Be there and bring that “supporting cast” with you. They’re good actors. They act like they think they can win.

--Magic Dear Former NBA MVP:

Bulls 107, Lakers 86. Didn’t you see it? It was in all the papers.

--Current NBA MVP Dear Mr. Individual Achievement:

We all got together before the game and took a vote and decided, “Hey, the poor slobs have never even won one game in the finals. Let’s not embarrass them again in their own town.”

--Noted Team Player Dear Afraid to Shoot:

Watch out or I’ll sic Scottie on you again. Did you see what my Dad called Pippen after Game 2? “Scottie Rodman.” I thought that was funny.

--69 Points in Two Games Dear Air Man:

You can put Gladys Knight and the Pippens on me if you want. Won’t do you no good. I’ll just pass it to James, Sam, Vlade and Byron.

--Magic Man Dear Magic:

That reminds me. Whatever became of Byron?

--Michael Dear Michael:

There you go, talking that trash again. No wonder the Pistons wouldn’t shake your hand.

--Magic Dear Magic:

Shaking hands is exactly like the Pistons. Highly overrated.

--Michael Dear Michael:

Now, now, Mikey. Be a good boy, not a Bad Boy.

--Magic Dear Magic:

I apologize, Ervy. I’m just excited because since Game 2 we’ve really got our game together.

--Michael Dear Michael:

That’s what Portland thought.

--Magic Dear Magical One:

I guess NBC is really broken up about missing out on that big Portland-Detroit rematch.

--Michael Dear Frequent Flier:

Are we getting a percentage of the TV money? Have your people call my people.

--Magic Dear Earvin:

Hey, after those first two games, America might be calling this series Sam vs. Horace.

--Mike Dear Nike Mikey:

Not after that move you made. Some referee’s gonna call you for Illegal Offense.

--Magic Dear Converse-sationalist:

You weren’t so bad yourself. Your supporting cast just missed their shots.

--Michael Dear Bull Shooter:

We don’t call them that out here.

--Magic Dear Magic:

What do you call them then?

--Michael Dear Michael:

Extras. Just kidding.

--Magic Dear Magic:

So, how is this series going to turn out? Bulls in five? Bulls in seven?

--Michael Dear Michael:

Lakers in five? Lakers in six?

--Magic Dear Magic:

(Yawn.) I’d continue this, but I’ve got to go pose for another Wheaties box now. Breakfast of champions, you know.

--Your friend, Michael Dear Michael:

Then how come you’re eating it?

--Your friend, too. Magic